Do you know how I feels to have to say goodbye to someone you thought the world of? Love comes to us many times and in many ways. But the best one is the unexpected.

It was like I already knew you. You comforted me, inspired me, and made me smile. You would look at me like I was the only girl in the world, like I was the world. Your world.

Everything we needed you provided. Materially. But the lack of providing loyalty was easily overlooked. I wanted you. Wanted to keep you. But why you? I noticed the red flags but I ignored them because at this point it was too late and I was in love. I prayed for you and stayed beside you letting you fill my ears with broken promises and your lies tugging on my heart for sympathy because you say you can’t control your actions.

Do you know how it feels to stay loyal when someone crushes your heart? I do. I stayed loyal after I found out about this girl, that girl and the next. Ignoring the rationality of leaving. Forgetting that I was the prize and putting him before me. Do you know how it feels to stand at the alter and make vows for them to crumble into a million little pieces? I do. Have you ever felt the loss of two babies you prayed for? He prayed for? He begged for? Tried for?

Do you know how it feels to find out your husband was having an affair while your 3 months pregnant with his kids? I do. Do you know how it feels to be hit and mentally abused while pregnant because your husband was mad you called his mistress?

Do you know how it feels to have your in-laws blame you for calling the cops when you needed help? Do you know how it feels to to be taunted by your husband’s concubine before and after the loss of your children? Do you know how it feels to know he still contacts her even after she wished death on his unborn kids? Do you know what it’s like to want to let go but you feel so stuck.

Do you know what it’s like to promise your Angel babies and yourself you are through? Do you know how it feels to tell yourself you are worth so much more? Do you know how it feels to find strength to walk away? I do.

I know how it feels to walk away and though it hurts I know God is going to replace everything I lost with an abundance of blessings. I’m not sad anymore, I’m not sad because I know my babies are in heaven. They’re good. I know God will bless me because I have been faithful and kept his word.

Do you know how it feels to find peace in knowing God will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies? I do.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Psalms 23:5

“Do not touch my anointed or do my prophet any harm.”

Psalms 105:14-15